My irrational fears and why I miss my husband.

My son has this adorable little walker that he runs all over the house in.  He loves having the freedom and control to walk around and do as he pleases.  He'll roll over to a little table we have and open the drawers, he'll explore the handle of the vacuum, and of course--he chases our dogs.  He'll get going really fast and run into furniture and over your feet if you're in the way.  I cannot even count the number of times that my poor little toes have fallen victim to this walker. 

Today I was walking down the hallway back into our bedroom to finish getting ready.  As I heard the munchkin chasing after me--at a full sprint, I couldn't help but be freaked out.  Let me explain.  I have issues being chased and followed.  When I was a kid--tag wasn't a game I enjoyed much.  I cannot tell you why--it's just one of my idiosyncrasies.  Whenever I am chased or followed--I freak out.  My husband seems to think this is hilarious.  He'll add in the phrase, "I'm gonna get you" and hold out his hands like he's the tickle monster.  My immediate hysterics always result in oodles of laughter from him.  I, however, am not amused. 

Aaaaand we're back.

Today, I was actually a little freaked out because I was being chased.  By my 8 month old.  Who can't even walk.  I quickened my pace and as soon as I got into my bedroom, whipped around and talked myself out of the anxious feelings that were welling up.  As soon as the babe came around the corner, all I could think was about how ridiculous I felt for having such an irrational fear.

Why does this make me miss my husband?  He would love this story and we would laugh together about it.  Because he can appreciate all of the little weird things about me.  And because he knows me like no one else does. 

Seven years ago tomorrow, he and I met in college.  And now, his little boy is learning to tease mommy while daddy is away just like daddy would.  I'm thinking that once this kid is old enough to play pranks with him, my life is going to get a lot more interesting...

Reflection.

Warning: No editing or filtering for this post.  Just transparency and honesty.

One of the things that I love about the military lifestyle is that it defines "seasons" in your life.  Time still moves quickly, but with each PCS (move), you are prompted to reflect upon your time at that particular duty station(at least I am).  It's so neat to have this "default slow down" in my life.  I love to think about who I was when I arrived, and how different I am when I leave.  It's amazing how much your life, your viewpoints, and your relationships can change within the course of a year.

Although we are not leaving our current duty station, we did receive orders to stay here for the next three years.  After living in three states, and four towns in the past four years, staying in one place for three seems a bit daunting.  We are currently in the process of buying a home here--which means we will move again--but this time, on our own without military help.

I can't help but feel so incredibly blessed about the past year.  I have an amazing, healthy baby boy who brightens my life everyday!  I am FINALLY starting to feel like I didn't JUST have a baby.  (I don't know about other women--but it's taken a long time for me to recover physically and hormonally)  We are in the process of buying a beautiful home to raise our precious little one.  But, one of the main reasons I feel so blessed and happy is because of my relationship with my husband.  Marriages have seasons.  There are challenging times that stretch you and your partner to be better.  There are wonderful times, that are just so easy--and you just work so well together.  Either way, a marriage is a living, breathing relationship that requires work daily.  For this duty station, I reflect upon my marriage and am realizing that we have had our tough days while here.  That we had to work at this thing called marriage--especially with taking care of a new baby.  But, for the most part, we were in a state of bliss.  We developed a rhythm here and I can honestly say that not only do I love my husband more today than the day I married him, but I can say that I am just so IN love with him.  He is such a wonderful man, provider, and friend. 

It is bittersweet though.  Because this next year, will be a challenging one.  He will be deployed for more than half of it.  I know that our relationship will pass this test.  I know we are committed.  I know I can handle the requirements of being a single parent at home and keeping the "home fires burning" while he is away.  And I am so thankful that we are in such a wonderful place to start this journey.  But, I am also sad--because I will miss him terribly.  I know that watching him leave, watching the distance between us grow, will be gut wrenching.  But, I also know that it's the life we have signed up for, and that this is what we are called to do. 

As I watch my friends and their husbands join the fleet around us, I see husbands leaving and returning.  And it has suddenly become all too real.  For so long, we've all had our men around--for training.  Sure, they would leave for a weekend here and there, but we've been blessed to have the deployments left for the future.  They have been locked away with words like, "One day" and "a long ways off."  Here we are...not a long ways off. 

As hard as it's going to be, I wouldn't trade it.  I wouldn't trade the friendships, the experiences, the beauty and intimacy that a military lifestyle builds in a marriage--having only each other to rely on, and I wouldn't trade the good parts of deployment (the return--a second honeymoon, the appreciation that comes with not taking your spouse for granted, and the pride that comes from the everyday tasks that you accomplish by yourself--consistently doing things that you didn't think you could do).

I am so thankful for this past year--for this time with my family before deployments begin.  And I know that this next year, although difficult, will provide opportunities to build rich, relationships with other wives and with my husband.  It's going to be a good year. 

The feather duster: Good enough for company (except the in-laws)

There are important truths in life that you can never learn from a book. 

Truth #563:   The feather duster: Good enough for company (except the in-laws).

This morning, while the coffee brewed, I ran a quick feather duster over the house.   As I was dusting a few pieces in my son's room, I got to thinking--this is good enough for now...but when my in-laws come to visit, I need to be much more thorough about the dusting (and cleaning for that matter)

Don't get me wrong, I love my in-laws.  They are wonderful.  But, my mother-in-law keeps an immaculate house.  IMMACULATE.  While I was growing up, my mother kept an amazingly clean house too.  I remember as a young child thinking that Mom vacuumed to keep the lines on the carpet straight.  (She vacuumed every day)  I too vacuum every day--or at least every other day.  However, my house is not immaculate.  You see, I have these two giant dogs.  They shed, bring dirt in, slobber, and are generally a nuisance to me.  I still love them dearly, but my house would be cleaner and would stay cleaner if they didn't reside here.  Seeing how clean my mother in law keeps her house is a little intimidating.  I mean, it's perfection.  My house will never be that clean...but I can try, right?

I don't want my in-laws to think that I'm raising their grandson in a pig sty. I have resigned myself to the fact that no matter how many times I sweep, vacuum, or mop, my little crawler will still have dog hair on his hands and probably in his mouth.  It doesn't seem to bother him.  :)

So, in order to put my best foot forward with the in-laws, I'll be a cleaning fiend before their arrival.  How about you?  Do you do anything special when your family comes to visit?  Do share!

The Ruin-er of Things

A few years ago, some dear friends of ours had a precious little girl.  And I do mean precious!  They would affectionately call her, "Monster" when they spoke to or about her.  "Hey Monster, whatcha doin?"  "The Monster is hungry" etc.  She was SO precious, and such a sweet little baby.  We couldn't figure out why.

Then we had a baby of our own. 

Sure, he's precious.  And cute.  And I sometimes want to eat his face a little--the cuteness is overwhelming. But, he is definitely a little monster.  Napoleon-esk.  Because he's angry and little.  Not all the time, of course.  At times he is a happy baby.  But if he's tired, or hungry--he's angry.  Napoleon. 

When I push him in the stroller, I often think of this scene.  A tiny being that is in control.  The entire video is funny, but the specific part I'm speaking of is at 2:40 into the video. 

Ok...back to the topic.  When my son was only a few weeks old, my husband and I were chatting about how different our life had become.  Now we understood why our friends called there little girl, "Monster" and decided we should have a nickname too.  We threw around a few titles.  Beast was a favorite.  The "Beast" is waking up, or the "Beast" is hungry.  We thought that was ok.  I decided it sounded kind of like a WWF wrestler.  Then, it came to me.  We shall call our child, the "Ruin-er of Things"--yeees!! 

Now, let me tell you--we LOVE our son!  We wouldn't trade him for the world!  So, this is definitely an affectionate term for him--which will probably be dropped long before he can understand it.  And mainly, his nickname around the house is Munchkin--said in a lovey high pitched voice.  But we also refer to him (never address him) as The Ruiner of Things.  For example, we have to hurry and eat our dinner before the Ruiner of Things decides it's time for him to eat.  We have to be home each night at 6pm because that is the Ruiner's bedtime.  And so on.

We think it's fitting.